The first step is admitting you have a problem

It's not that I have a drug addition or anything. But I know I have stupid problems. I have this social, emotional, stuck-in-the-past, 'female dog', problem. Hm, where to start?

In second grade we had this self esteem program that thought us how to 'love' ourselves and other people. The mascot was this green frog that told me not to do drugs. Well I always thought that this program was nothing but stupid Christian morals disguised to be taught at school. Anyways, whenever this thing would tell us to love ourselves and not think that we're ugly, stupid, or weird, I would always think that's hard to do. When I was in elementary school I was always the shortest kid in class (I know, shocking). I was like the side kid in groups. I never had a guy like me. So where was I supposed to get all this 'love' for myself.

Ok next step, come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. I guess this is where this ends. The 12 steps can't help me now. How will I ever solve my problem.

So now to explain the most complicated, long story I have to tell. My stuck-in-the-past problem is the biggest issue I have. It all started in 7th grade. It was choir class, the last class of the day. There was a new student one day. It was this long haired boy with a torn up shirt. So around Chirstmas time, we made a CD to sell to parents and kids who need blackmail on us to raise money for our trip to California.
My friend and I decided to do a song. The place where we went to record our CD was at our teacher's house. We got there a early and went to hang out in his living room. I noticed the new kid was there running around the house with other kids from the choir and being 'cool'. I was sitting on the couch and noticed my pants where ripped in the crotch area. I pointed this out to my friend and the new kid asked me if I was a virgin. "Yes I am" Then he askes me if I was a lesbian. A very clever of finding out if I was avaliable? "No. I'm sorry to disappoint you." After a while of eating strawberries from our teachers fridge. The new kid sat alone on the love sofa. It was just my friend, the new kid, me and random kids walking in and out. The new kid was asking for some one to sit with him on the sofa that was made for two people, not one. I was the lucky victim.
-PAUSE- *this is where my life gets twister so hard I don't know if it was a turn for the worst or the best* -PLAY-
How could I deny? He had cute, long, curly hair and shoes with pink soles. I was so nervous. I hardly knew this kids name. He was obviously flirty with me, but he was flirty with everyone there so I didn't think much of it. We talked for a while and before I know it, he has an arm around me. My friend desides to force this two seater couch to a three seater. We all start just to become friends with one another. The next thing that happened I'm not sure how it exactly went. One moment I'm being tickled to death, next moment I'm on the floor next to the kitchen with the new kid on top me. His hair was like a curtain that shut out everyone else in the room. It was me and him. He whispered to me, "Just play along." Play along to what? I just lay there. I didn't know what to do. I think for a while I pasted out and then regain consciousness when another teacher came in the room and asked what was going on. The new kid leaped off me to the kitchen to make it look like it was my own fault for falling.

I think that's enough for now. I'll explain the rest of 7th grade next week.


pic: http://cococonutshake.deviantart.com/art/blush-82114644